im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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