so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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