I can feel you judging me through the phone.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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