Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
