Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
