im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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