Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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