My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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