How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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