some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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