Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
