I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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