Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
