I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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