Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
