my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
