he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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