i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
FUCK WHALES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
