Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
