i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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