My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
