For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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