No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
