ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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