im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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