she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
