Sponge bath it is.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
