I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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