I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
