you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
