Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
