Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So much rum. So many feels.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
