Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said her name was "party"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
