it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
