Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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