just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
