I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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