I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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