cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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