my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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