WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
