What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
