I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
