In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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