I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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