she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
