He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize