i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
