today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
