Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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