we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
