this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
