Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
