apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just pee around me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
