he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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