tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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