you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
