I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
