he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
