Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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