She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
