I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
