i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
