HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
