Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
